‘Vanderpump Rules’ Podcasts Ranked

Vanderpump rules podcasts

I like “Vanderpump Rules” … a lot. And I’m not even going to pretend to be embarrassed by the level of familiarity I’m about to demonstrate by ranking the stars’ podcasts in the order I listen to them on a weekly basis.

1. Stassi.

Listen, Stassi Schroeder is the reason “Vanderpump Rules” skyrocketed after its premiere in 2013 so she gets the No. 1 spot. Despite the messy mean girl vibes and all the yelling and crying, it was clear from the start that Stassi was smart, quick witted, funny and full of interesting takes on life. She has a self-deprecating laugh that makes you more forgiving of your own faults. And she’s a great champion for those of us who need to hear that it’s OK to like the more basic things in life, like McDonald’s, manifesting vis a vis Pinterest and … well, watching reruns of “Vanderpump Rules” for comfort.

Hers was one of the first podcasts I listened to regularly back when it started in 2015. And now that it’s back (after her unfortunate but I guess necessary personal cancellation in 2020), I’m glad to see (or hear) that it’s back to its roots. It’s just her talking about whatever she wants to talk about and it’s basically like being on a long phone call with a friend while doing your chores.

2. Give Them Lala

Lala Kent is getting beaten up this season and I won’t hear it. If you hate her because she’s acting like, I don’t know, a person whose job it is to be on a TV show then I’m not going to change your opinion on her. I’m Team Ariana but they all elected to do a Season 11 knowing Tom Sandoval and Tom Schwartz would be lingering around the perimeter.

Lala and Scheana are merely rolling with it. And I think they’ve both been overly maligned for it. That said, Lala’s podcast is exactly like her. It’s cutting and sharp but also soft and forgiving. It’s imperfect but OK with it. The thing I’ve always liked about Lala is that she goes hard in the paint (as she likes to say) while also being willing to grow from her mistakes. Her podcast is really funny and it’ll have you going easier on yourself, as well as those around you.

3. Scheananigans

Scheana is Scheana. Omg. Typing that actually made me laugh fondly as if I even know her. Scheana Shay isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. She tries so hard to be everything and it backfires on her in extraordinary ways. But I just find her really likable. No matter how many times she said “Rob” in Season Six. Her podcast is one of the regulars I listen to and not just because of the insight she gives into VR — which, by the way, neither Stassi nor Lala do very much of.

You occasionally get a glimpse but not as much as with Scheana. That said, Scheana’s shows are generally more structured and maybe feel more professionally produced than the others. Whereas you can tell Stassi and Lala are enjoying themselves in theirs, I’d probably say Scheana maybe takes her show more seriously? That feels like I’m insulting them all at once. What can you do?

4. Balancing Act with Kristen Doute and Luke Broderick

Like Scheana, Kristen gives you more of a look at the behind the scenes in the world of reality television, but she also explores other topics, namely mental health and relationships. Because of this podcast, I went into “The Valley” already knowing who Luke was by voice. It’s been so weird to watch him on the show because of knowing how “not” of that world he is. And also knowing that he — at least from what I see on the show — doesn’t seem to be a freeloading pest like the rest of Kristen’s ex-boyfriends. I will always have a soft spot for Kristen for two reasons.

One, she’s an Aquarius and I am soooo familiar with the feelings she expressed in Seasons Seven and Eight about how she wasn’t getting a return on her investment with Katie and Stassi when it came to the amount of space she gave them to vent about their own relationships over the years. She wanted that time back in the way of support from them and felt like she wasn’t getting it. They clearly don’t agree with her on that but (and I say this as a VR scholar) Kristen really is ride or die for her friends. OK. The second reason … she bought a house by herself and then got fired from the show. I HATED that for her. I had secondary stress about it. So I’m glad she’s landed on her feet and is doing better.

5. When Reality Hits with Jax and Brittney

Jax Taylor and Brittney Cartwright are obviously going through a separation and maybe even headed for a divorce right now, but this is still a good listen. Not only do you get the behind the scenes on a lot of things, it’s just a cute, positive show. And not even just because of Brittney. Jax seems to morph into the most polite and cheerful version of himself when he has his own microphone in front of him. There’s literally no serious takeaway from this show.

With Stassi you’ll likely come away with some ideas about what you should watch or follow. With Lala you’ll likely get insight on a cause — almost always related to animals. With Scheana and Kristen, you’ll get insight into mental health and self-improvement. With Jax and Brittany you get a hug hello and a hug goodbye from Jax and Brittany. If a podcast could be guests at a barbecue, this is it.

6. Disrespectfully with Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan

I literally just realized that I haven’t listened to a single episode of this yet! I’m going to change that. Katie has always been a complicated cast member for me because I think she’s so deeply misunderstood while also being one of the meanest people on the show. I don’t like how she treated Scheana or Kristen or Lala. And I think — at least what it seems like from the show — that her definition of loyalty is stifling. Like it’s one thing to expect that your friends will have your back and go to the mat for you. It’s another to expect them to hold themselves back from opportunity because that opportunity seems disloyal.

We all saw Stassi do this to Katie in Season Three when Stassi cut her off because she wanted to go on Scheana’s bachelorette party trip to Miami (WHERE THEY WOULD BE FILMING). Anyway, I’m still Team Katie and I think Dayna is really smart and funny so I have no idea why I have started listening yet.

7. Idk. Does Tom Sandoval really have a podcast? I haven’t looked …

8. Rachel Goes Rogue

Soooooo. I really hate to say what I’m about to say because I totally get why Raquel/Rachel Leviss chose this route — and I fully believe in her right to use this medium to get her voice out there — buttttttttttt … I wish she were a smarter and more insightful and articulate person. That feels so mean to write but that’s one of the problems with her show.

Whatever insecurity she had that allowed her to compete in pageants but shrink when it was time to give a toast, is what might be holding her back here. I will say, I have respect for the fact that she’s trying — in real time — to work through the scandal and what brought her there in the first place and that can’t be easy to do. Overall though I think she still has a warped and maybe not fully accurate view of things. And something gets lost between her brain and her mouth. It feels like everything is hanging on the tip of her tongue still.

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